“Hugs for My Family (Coronavirus Version)” ©2020 by Randy Kaplan

I got hugs for my family
But no high fives for my friends
I’ll shake your hand handily
When this quarantine ends

Back in the day when the fever was hay
and the aches and the pains just came and went away
and the dryest of coughs was just due to the dust
and the shortness of breath wasn’t ER or bust
I had a hug and a squeeze for anyone who said please
I had a kiss and a shake, I broke bread, I shared cake
I drank from the glasses of laddies and lasses
and I’d laugh in the faces of kids in my classes
and I’d let ‘em all laugh in mine, and no sign
of a virus deterred me; no one would refer me
to a nurse or a doctor. I’d even high five the proctors
of the tests that I’d take and after that, hey, no aches!
But, man, times have changed, and the world’s rearranged
and this thing’s like the mange and now everything’s strange
I can’t high five or hug you, and I know that it bugs you
It’s bugging me too, but this ain’t the flu
It can blow up, you know what? You still want to grow up
You still want to show up, Now my voice gonna go up . . .

I got hugs for my family
But no high fives for my friends
I’ll shake your hand handily
When this quarantine ends

So now that I’ve donned these gloves I’ve got on
and rolled down my sleeves, I’m not quite as skeeved
But it’d still be nightmareful if my hands touched a hairful
or a handful of germs from your palm or some derm-
atological surface, we gotta be careful
not to cough or sneeze droplets, and not breath in airfuls
of air that are filled with this novel corona-
virus, that’s high-risk, so I sit here alone. A
slick surface like metal can host this corona thing.
It’s really unsettling. I just want my phone to ring
‘Cause sitting here reading online is too much for me
Percentages, ratios, CNN, CDC.
It’s not all bad news, there will be a vaccine
maybe next year, but right now —— quarantine
So I sit here all day and I read and I play
and I video-chat with my friends and we say
that we’re using our anti-bacterial spray
to keep our hands clean and the virus at bay
And it’s kind of alarming, it’s crazy, this thing
So we’re arming ourselves with this armor like bling
They say don’t touch your face, but there’s an itch on my cheek
My dry knuckles are cracking, I’m a hand-washing freak
And they say better safe than sorry, but are we
taking it too far? Oh, no. No, not hardly.

I got hugs for my family
But no high fives for my friends
I’ll shake your hand handily
When this quarantine ends

Yes, now it’s pandemic, but stay calm, don’t sweat it.
Yeah, I know that, like, half the world’s people might get it
But if we flatten the curve and delay the disease,
the pathogen’s bound in its tracks . . . to freeze
And the whole healthcare system won’t be bled and won’t bleed
And folks will at least get the care that they need.
So don’t panic by buying up tissues and toilet
paper cause then for some others you’ll spoil it
You don’t gotta horde stuff you shouldn’t be using
those face masks. This won’t last. I know it’s confusing
But take it from me, before you buy, steal, or snag one
If you’re healthy, it’s worse for your health if you wear one
It’s gross and it hosts mold and who knows what else?
Before you know it you’ll go and get sick from yourself
Take that thing off, it’s a big petri dish and
don’t focus on asymptomatic transmission
My mission’s to calm down; hey, maybe a poem might
keep my mind off a world filled with fomites
I’ve got cabin fever, the stir crazy blues
I’ve cleaned all my closets, wiped the soles of my shoes
And I’m doing my best to steer clear of trouble
But I feel like Travolta in The Boy in the Plastic Bubble
I can’t wait for the summer when I can hug you at last
And social distancing, man, will be a thing of the past
and the coughin’ we do will be due to the pollen
and near ocean or lake, on the sand we’ll be lollin’
For now, yes, it’s scary, but we’re in it together
This ton-of-bricks heavy’s feeling light as a feather
‘Cause talking to you keeps me safer for longer,
the long and the short of it’s that together we’re stronger

I got hugs for my family
But no high fives for my friends
I’ll shake your hand handily
When this quarantine ends

[BACK TO TOP]